


what we need

by Cephalopodsalad17



Series: make me think there’s some truth in it [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Moral Injury, Arguing, Birthday Presents, M/M, Past non-consensual drug use, Sex Pollen, Stubborn Bucky Barnes, Stubborn Steve Rogers, Unwanted Gifts, is consensual sex pollen a thing?, past HYDRA Trash Party
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:41:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29971998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cephalopodsalad17/pseuds/Cephalopodsalad17
Summary: Something is missing from Bucky’s idea of an ideal relationship with Steve. It’s something they had with HYDRA. He wants it back.Steve isn’t so easily convinced.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: make me think there’s some truth in it [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1113300
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	what we need

**Author's Note:**

> This is NOT a standalone fic. If you haven’t read Undeniable Plausibility, you will be confused.

Neither supersoldier was in a state that anyone wanted in the field. The Winter Soldier’s manual might have been destroyed, but there were still targets out there with fragments of it in their heads.

It didn’t require a huge amount of self-awareness to recognize that they were both suffering from cabin fever. Fortunately, for the time being, they could channel their restlessness into sex.

It took less time than Steve had expected for sex to become a regular thing between them, but there were things they hadn’t done since HYDRA that he knew Bucky wanted to reclaim.

Steve wasn’t convinced it was a good idea. Hands and mouths? Hell yes. Rubbing off on each other? Sure thing. Bucky fucking Steve? More than game. Steve even _touching_ Bucky’s ass in a way that suggested he wanted to penetrate him? He just wasn’t sure they were ready for that. _Steve_ wasn’t ready for Bucky not to be ready for that because he knew how things were was too good to continue.

The way things were was good. Steve had no complaints. He liked Bucky’s weight on him, the way Bucky breathed against his skin, how he could hold Steve down or pull him closer, and even the way he could feel Bucky’s semen trickle out when his partner eventually peeled himself away.

Steve doing any of that to Bucky seemed like asking for trouble.

Straddling Steve’s hips, Bucky ground down and glared through half-lidded eyes. He had both of Steve’s hands pinned under his left forearm above Steve’s head, leaning down close enough that they could have kissed with little effort. “Don’t get too comfortable. You said it. I’m in charge here.”

“Okay.” Not closing the slight distance between their bodies was the sort of challenge he loved and hated.

“Not you,” Bucky emphasized, circling his hips.

Steve groaned. “Okay. Jesus Christ, I got the message.”

“But I won’t let you do anything we don’t _both_ want.”

Steve tried not to remember why he deserved the amount of misgiving in Bucky’s expression and nodded. “I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s not up to you,” Bucky snapped. _“I_ am a goddamned _gift_.”

His frustration was understandable. Sometimes stupid thoughts like that just slipped out of Steve’s mouth, no matter how much he tried to abide by the promise he had made to stop practicing guilt like he was aiming for a spot on, ha ha, Team America.

Bucky was right a lot of the time and Steve was somewhat less willing to argue with him than he had been in the past. “You are,” Steve agreed.

“I can give myself to you however I want to,” Bucky continued, then amended, “however we _both_ want me to.”

“Yeah, Buck, I know.”

The frown on Bucky’s face deepened and he made a sort of growling noise as he ground down hard.

Steve inhaled sharply and then gasped as his cock struggled against the confines of his khakis. This was growing painful. He hated it, but he loved it too because he loved Bucky and they were doing what Bucky wanted.

Other than oral, he didn’t think they’d done anything significantly similar to what they’d done with HYDRA. Steve didn’t fully understand the sense of accomplishment Bucky seemed to get out of that, but Bucky had always been good with his mouth.

Steve wanted to kiss that mouth. Was Bucky thinking of it too?

“Buck,” he gasped, tilting his face and pleading with his eyes.

“No,” Bucky said firmly, and Steve’s orgasm ripped through him unexpectedly at the relief that Bucky wouldn’t let Steve dictate his actions.

A rush of horror followed the rush of pleasure and Steve felt cold and disgusted by himself and the mess he’d made in his pants. Had he really just got off to Bucky telling him no? What the fuck was wrong with him? No one should get off to their partner saying no, knowing they meant it, especially without talking about it beforehand. Steve certainly shouldn’t, considering his history.

A sigh pulled him from his thoughts. Bucky had stopped moving and was searching his face instead. “Steve. Why d’ya gotta…” He trailed off and simply shook his head.

_I’m sorry._

He couldn’t say that. 

Steve thought he knew what Bucky wanted. He thought he knew what Bucky _thought_ Bucky wanted. It didn’t feel like it could ever be safe for Steve to give it to him. It was one thing for Steve’s mind to go there. He couldn’t take the risk of violating his partner again.

But he underestimated the lengths Bucky, free of HYDRA, would still be willing to go to in order to accomplish his goal. 

And then Bucky’s birthday came up. 

For Bucky’s ninety-eighth birthday, Bucky gave _Steve_ paperwork.

“Usually the gifts go to the person whose birthday it is, Buck,” Steve commented as he opened the outer package.

He pulled the single sheet partway out of the manila envelope and froze.

It had a header reading _Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division_. Steve blinked at it stupidly, heart thumping in his chest at the thought of Bucky having anything to do with SHIELD. “What is this?” he asked.

There was no way it was good, but Bucky gave him the new small smile that Steve would forever associate with the Winter Soldier. “It’s for you, dummy.”

Scowl already in place, Steve said, “Gee, really? Is it _my_ birthday or something?”

The smile had evaporated. “Read it.”

Steve read it.

“No,” he said.

“No?” Bucky repeated. His tone was barely on the warning side of neutral.

“Buck, you…”

Bucky cut him off. “Can’t? Shouldn’t? Fuck that. It was good with HYDRA. Don’t you think it’ll be even better with just us?”

Steve had mixed emotions regarding _those_ events. In a lot of ways, that was most out of control Steve had felt the entire time he had been undercover. Nothing really horrible had happened to either of them, so far as he remembered, beyond the expected. Physically, it had been… Well, he really shouldn’t be thinking about that. He’d had plenty of nightmares about it, both the kind that were terrible while he was dreaming and the kind that were more terrible once awake.

Clearly, the soldier had read that off his face.

“I said I didn’t keep them to use, but I want to use them. I want that to be ours, not theirs. They tested the gas on me enough for me to be sure it’s safe if we use it as intended and fuck each other’s brains out.”

“That’s exactly the problem! We’d _have to_ have sex.” Horrified, Steve said, “No, Bucky. _No_. I’m not having sex with you when you can’t safely withdraw consent.”

Bucky regarded him flatly. “I thought you knew I was playing it up. I didn’t think we remembered things that differently. Did I seem out of control?”

Steve shook his head. No. He’d actually admired the asset’s self-control. Steve had felt like he was losing his mind the entire time, although, considering that the events of that mission had been designed to help break him, that maybe shouldn’t be any surprise. “But it would be dangerous to stop. What if I can’t go through with it and you get sick again? It could go so wrong again, and this time there wouldn’t be anyone on standby who’s familiar with how-”

“Steve,” Bucky said, slowly and with emphasis. “Believe me, it’s safe enough. I want this. Even if it takes until _your_ birthday to make a plan we can agree on.”

**Author's Note:**

> My plan is to finish this over the next four months.


End file.
